Government says ‘Parenting’ Isn’t ‘Work’

The government is planning to force single parents to look for a job when their youngest child hits 12. Once their child has reached that magical age the parent will be classed as a ‘Jobseekers’; which means they’ll be forced to take a shitty, low paid, McJob and their kid will be forced to get their own dinner and wait around for their tired, stressed mum or dad to get back home or go out with their mates and ‘hang around’ because the government has made sure that there’s fuck all else for them to do. This sort of suggestion could only come from rich bastards; the kind of people who’s own parents sent them to boarding school – you can picture them saying “Well it didn’t do me any harm.”

What the government fails to acknowledge is the fact that ‘parenting’ is the hardest and most important (and definitely the most rewarding) job in the world and the best single argument there is for a universal ’social wage’. We need higher wages so fewer parents have to work; and we need more time to spend with our kids if we’re going to reverse current trends in teenage anti-social behaviour. Fuck ‘work’ – ‘love’ and ‘life’ are the only four letter words we should ever have to teach our children!

Wayne Rooney knows All Coppers Are Bastards

Not only do police ruin the atmosphere at football matches, they very nearly jeopardised the career of a footballing legend.

Wayne Rooney said in an interview for the Radio Times…

“When I was about 16, I got my ball taken off me by the police for playing in the street – which is pathetic really.”

Pathetic is an understatement. Bored coppers are a nuisance to our kids; the ’stop and search’ scene in ‘The Plague’ is exactly how things are. You’d have thought the rozzer’s would be too busy filling in their BNP application forms to pick on children

“Fuck You All!” say rich bastards…

A a $20 million party has marked the opening of the $1.5 billion Atlantis Hotel in Dubai. It is said that the fireworks  display – which was larger than the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony – could be seen from space. With the divide between the rich and the poor greater than it has ever been and the onset of a global recession this extravaganza can only be viewed as a giant “Fuck You!” from the rich to the rest of us.

But we’re not party poopers. We love fireworks, but they’re just not the same without a guy. So which rich fucker should we burn first?

From Pugwash to Puntland; Roger Makes Us Jolly!

Now men with guns is never a good thing, but we have to confess that we couldn’t help but smile to see the ‘Sirius Star’, a super tanker carrying 20 million barrels of Saudi Arabian oil, get snatched by Somalian pirates. Our hearts go out to the ship’s 25 crew-members, but Somalian pirates are professional and tend to treat their captives very well. The local economy of the port town of Eyl in Puntland, an independent Somalian state, is dependent on piracy and special restaurants have even been set up to prepare food for the crews of hijacked ships. The town is a safe-haven where very little is done to stop the pirates – leading to the suggestion that some people in the Puntland administration and beyond have links with them. This is understandable when you consider that the annual budget of Puntland, a region with a population of 2.4 million people, is just $20 million – and last year the pirates drew a further $30 million to the region through ransom demands. Piracy is hardly an ethical career choice – but the companies that the pirates hit are far from ethical themselves. As yet the Puntland pirates haven’t killed anyone, the oil companies on the other hand…

Kilroy on ‘Celebrity’! Get the fuck outta here!

Robert Killjoy Slik, MEP for the East Midlands, will be on our TV screens tonight in ITV 1’s “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here”. His fellow MEPs have greeted the news with disgust, with Labour MEP Glenfiddich Wetmott stating “I think it shows a complete lack of respect for voters. We are in serious times and people expect their politicians to do a job of work, and you can’t do that if you are in the jungle, covered in cockroaches, eating kangaroos’ testicles, and swimming with crocodiles. I think it is an absolute disgrace.”

Tory MEP Roger Himler added “It won’t make that much difference because he does so little work anyway! Frankly if he was working his socks off I wouldn’t have a problem with it. But he has given up on the job.”

It should come as no surprise to anybody that Killjoy Slik is on ‘Celebrity’, he’s so fucking desperate to be noticed that he’ll try anything. As well as being a Muslim hating TV host he was once a Labour MP, then he joined the nationalistic UKIP Party (who have rather close ties to the BNP) before starting his own political party, Veritas (another BNP-lite party) – which he left six months later. Slik is a bigotted, smarmy, lying, tanorexic, egomaniac; let’s hope the fucker chokes to death on a wigity grub.

Kilroy getting some well deserved ‘jungle loving’.

Economists claim ‘Fat’ is ‘Socially Contagious’

Professor David Blanchflower, who sits on the Bank of England’s monetary policy committee, and Professor Andrew Oswald, an expert on the economics of wellbeing, claim that the nation’s expanding waistline could be down to people subconsciously trying to ‘keep up with the weight of the Joneses’.

Bollocks!!!

The reason that people in similar areas have similar body shapes is because they have similar financial problems. Cheaper food options usually have a higher fat and sugar content (they’re also more likely to contain hydrogenated fat), a fact which not only promotes obesity, it also makes the food more addictive. Despite the whimpers of middle class executive wankers the poor suffer more stress than the financially stable and are more likely to turn to cigarettes, alcohol and junk food. And food producers are all to happy to exploit the situation.

An ‘economist’ is a pseudo-scientist who is employed as an apologist for the wealthy; they’re usually too thick to get a proper scientific degree and are generally employed by their direct family or their mates from Eton. ‘Economics’ has about as much scientific basis as the guy down the bookies who swears he has “a system”. And a professor of an “economics of wellbeing” – WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!

To help you tell the difference between an economist and a sponging middle class parasite we’ve devised a little quiz…

Won’t You Take Me To… A ‘Healthy Town’

It’s been announced that Sheffield is to be one of the 9 cities chosen for the government’s new £30 million “Healthy Towns” initiative. They would have chosen Rotherham, but everyone there is super-healthy thanks to Jamie Oliver’s own ‘pass-it-on’ health initiative. Now all they need to do is get rid of annoying, self-righteous, I’ll-sell anything-if-the-price-is-right, mockney bastards – pass it on!

Picture – as recommended by Snookcocker…

Welcome to Stalagshire

Britain’s Security Service is pushing for governmental controlled press censorship (fuck knows why? these bastards are already great at self censorship – read David Edwards’ “Free to be Human” for a good description of media self-censorship and/or visit Media Lens); they want to be able to stop the media reporting on certain issues in the name of ‘national security’. This makes it sound like the media are reporting on sensitive issues that may endanger the public; but this act is more likely to be used to stop the media reporting about government fuck ups – like when they ‘accidentally’ lose vital data about everyone in the country from time to time.

Calls for higher media censorship should come as no surprise to anyone. With ID Cards on the horizon and the media demonizing childhood we know exactly where we’re heading – Welcome to Stalagshire…

If you doubt what we’re saying just look at what our kids have to go through. They’re surrounded by fences as soon as they attend school and CCTV has become a part of the furniture. Soon every parent will be legally obliged to fill in a questionnaire that goes way beyond anything that could possibly help your child’s education; family religion – the Barnsdale Brigade are in the process of inventing their own religion just in case – parents occupations, income, etc. One Doncaster school is already testing school uniforms that have been fitted with a RFID (Radio Frequency Identification) chip to keep tabs on their kids. To make matters worse this technology is being developed by a Doncaster company (Darnbro Ltd – darnbro@btinternet.com) and there is reason to believe that RFID carries a possible cancer threat. Where the fuck is George Orwell when you need him? Not working for the media, that’s for damn sure

Remembering the ‘Lions’

Anyone growing up in a working class community knows that Remembrance Sunday is very important to an awful lot of people. Most anarchists are willing to honour those who died in the fight against fascism, but there are also many, mainly middle class liberals, who frown upon the wearing of poppies as somehow celebrating war and power. Some choose to wear white poppies to advocate peace, but this message is often taken as some kind of ‘judgement’ on the actions of those caught up in war.

If you speak to most of the old boys who fought in the Second World War they’re not your tub-thumping, gung-ho military types, they’re men who lost friends and family. Ok, most liberals will accept this, but then they will condemn modern day soldiers. The town where one of our members lives is an ex-pit village of 7000 people. When the second gulf war ‘broke out’ (not that it ever really ended) nearly 40 people from that one community were sent to Iraq. Thankfully nobody from the town was killed, but there have been nearly a dozen injuries with 4 amputees and who knows how many will suffer psychological problems in the coming years (though we can be certain that more people will commit suicide after seeing warfare than will die during the conflict). And, as ever, we’re talking about kids here – often literally no more than teenagers – kids who have grown up in a still overwhelmingly class divided society. With this in mind we choose to wear a poppy; maybe not with ‘pride’, but certainly with respect.

To help differentiate between the patriotic, ‘Queen & Country’, ‘donkey’ type and those who choose to remember the ‘lions’ we change our poppy – not to white, but to red and black. It’s a simple process. Dismantle your poppy. Take your green paper leaf and place it on some black card to use as a template. Cut out a black leaf and re-assemble your poppy. It’s a subtle, but effective statement. Maybe next year class conscious anarchists can get together to lay a reef of these poppies in remembrance?

Cop on Cop Action!

In Brazil hundreds of plainclothes police officers (know as the ‘civil police’ – now there’s an oxymoron if ever there was one) have been fighting pitched battles against their uniformed counterparts on the streets of Sao Paulo. The ‘civil’ police, who have been striking over pay, tried to break through a barrier outside the government palace. The nearby ‘Albert Einstein Hospital’ reported that they had received 13 causalities from the incident, though, unfortunately, none of them were serious. Brazilian cops must go easy on their own; in Rio the cops are responsible for 3 murders a day. And we’re not talking extra-judicial executions while the scum are on duty – these guys are prone to a spot of murderous moonlighting.

According to a report given to the UN Human Rights Council by special envoy Philip Alston…

“A remarkable number of police lead double lives [sic] While on duty they fight the drug gangs, but on their days off they work as foot soldiers of organised crime.”

Mr Alston estimated that 70% of all murders in the northeast Brazilian state of Pernambuco were committed by death squads comprised of off-duty and retired officers.

Just goes to show yer…

ALL COPPERS ARE – murdering, brawling, greedy, low-life – BASTARDS!